It's Summer and I'm Shutting Up.

Every once in a while I'll read something that strikes me profoundly.  This time it was not only the words which stroke me as inspirational but also the person whom the words came from.

First read this blog here.

If you took some time to scroll all the way down you'll notice a slew of comments that were encouraging to say the least.  I happen to know this young lady and would like to compliment her post with a post of my own for my fellow brothers in Christ.

Lets start with this one quote to build on:
"God has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman." - Blessed John Paul II

Give it a second... Let it simmer.

When I read that it led me to a serious examination of conscience.  How much of a man have I been in my life towards our sisters in Christ?

Now take a second and think back to the Garden of Eden a little while after Adam and Eve had disobeyed God and ate the fruit from the Tree.

In Genesis 3:11 God asked Adam a pretty straight forward question:

'Have you been eating from the tree I forbade you to eat?'

What was Adam's response? The following verse in Genesis 3:12 tells us Adam's response:

'It was the woman you put with me; she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.'

Going back to the question God asked Adam.  Do you think God, All Powerful and All Knowing, needed Adam to admit his infidelity for Him to know that Adam had been disobedient?  No.  This wasn't an inquiry to his disobedience but an opportunity for repentance, humility and an amendment to do better.

Do you see what just happened?  God asked Adam if HE had been disobedient.  Adam's response?  He passes the buck and blames Eve.  This is what men, Christian and non-Christian, still do with regards to the question of purity and modesty.  We blame our lack of both sometimes on the fact that it's all around us and we are helpless victims to the onslaught of immodest fashions.  We point at the dress, or lack thereof, and ask for help from them yet fail to help ourselves.

Sure as gentlemen we can speak up and start shouting at the rooftops about modesty during these times.  But what do our actions preach?  Are we going to the beach where we know there will be a plethora of flesh?  Do we mortify our sight and even speech from impure things?  Yes, our female counterparts have the duty and power to assist us in our journey to chastity and purity but we are not simply at their disposal.  We too have our own will and have the power to exercise it as we please.

We must train and literally exercise our own will in small acts of mortification.  Prayer, Penance, Fasting and mortification of the senses.  When we see someone dressed immodestly, do we gaze intently, or do we look away and flee from such occasions.  Some of the great saints were so mortified in their sight they only looked up from the floor to gaze upon our Lord in the Eucharist.  Their mortification of the sense of sight was so great some saints could not even tell you what the walls of the very Church they adored looked like since they reserved their eyes only for our Lord.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church #2015 says:
The way of perfection passes by way of the Cross. There is no holiness without renunciation and spiritual battle. Spiritual progress entails the ascesis and mortification that gradually lead to living in the peace and joy of the Beatitudes

In the Gospel of Matthew 5:29 we hear:

“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.”

Not to say that we should LITERALLY pluck out our eyes, but rather take upon ourselves a more forward approach to avoid that which leads us to hell.  Fasting and mortification of the other senses (sight, speech, etc.) allow us to practice our 'No' to ourselves.  We give up willingly good and legitimate things not because they are evil but because this practice of mortification strengthens our will against temptations further on which require our firm 'No' in a permanent and definite way.

Our duty is to guard the dignity of our sisters in Christ, but the easiest way to strip them of that dignity within ourselves is to look at them as just empty vessels of flesh.  As Christians it's more than having a sense of respect for our sisters.  It's having a deep charity for them who have immortal souls and bear the very Image and Likeness of God.

Where do we start?  By praying for them.  Let all our endeavors begin with our Lord in the Eucharist and let all our endeavors end with us practicing faithful what we believe and teach.  For as we know and as St. Francis of Assisi so beautifully put it, "Words tickle but Actions Thunder."

+AMDG

Since our engagement I've done a lot of thinking of what more we can do in our preparation for the sacrament of Marriage.  During all the thinking I came across the Marriage Vows used in the Liturgy for the Rite of Marriage.  During a daily mass which my fiancé and I attended the priest during the homily drew a beautiful parallel between the vows taken by a bride and groom and Sirach 6:5-17.

Rite of Marriage (#25)

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband/wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

Sir 6:5-17

A kind mouth multiplies friends and appeases enemies,

and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings.

Let your acquaintances be many,

but one in a thousand your confidant.

When you gain a friend, first test him,

and be not too ready to trust him.

For one sort is a friend when it suits him,

but he will not be with you in time of distress.

Another is a friend who becomes an enemy,

and tells of the quarrel to your shame.

Another is a friend, a boon companion,

who will not be with you when sorrow comes.

When things go well, he is your other self,

and lords it over your servants;

But if you are brought low, he turns against you

and avoids meeting you.

Keep away from your enemies;

be on your guard with your friends.

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter;

he who finds one finds a treasure.

A faithful friend is beyond price,

no sum can balance his worth.

A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy,

such as he who fears God finds;

For he who fears God behaves accordingly,

and his friend will be like himself.

In sickness and health, good times and bad we vow to stand beside our spouses (who should happen to also be our good friends).  Scripture tells us when we find someone who is capable of such we have found a treasure.  This wasn't my first time reading this particular passage but it was my first time reading it from the perspective of wedding vows which so beautifully compliment it.  I've met quite a number of people in the short time I've spent on this earth and yet there is only a small group of people that come to mind in reading this passage.  But I have to be honest; in hearing it this passage time around a smile worked its way to my face because I realized that I was indeed marrying a treasure, a faithful friend and sturdy shelter.  Since the beginning of our courtship I was convinced that the concept of a stable and long lasting friendship makes for a holy and well discerned courtship and hopefully later on a holy and fruitful marriage.

I know it sounds cliché to say I’m marrying my best-friend but in this case I can really say that I am.  More than that is at first I only had a Christ-Centered friendship in mind.  Why?  Because I didn't think I had a chance at anything more than that!  Also, because she helped me mature spiritually and when she needed the help I wanted to be there for her as well.  But this Christ-Centered friendship is the basis for a Christ-Centered Courtship and then Marriage.  Then it becomes our defense against the temptation of seeing each other as simply business partners in a marriage contract in order to provide for children or even for ourselves.  Rather we are given a foundation to seek deeper purpose and meaning in our marital covenant.

On another note, In Sirach we read: "When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him."  Imagine the caution we are called to in our friendships; "...and be not too ready to trust him." says Holy Scripture.  How much more caution should be thrown into the wind when discerning our own vocations.  Dating should not be a game where we jump from one "prospect" to another.  But a steady and mortified process where we practice our will and prayerfully discern God's own will.  That isn't to say we should put a time limit on such things but rather, a call to serious reflection and discernment rather than rushed decisions based on our passions and emotions.  It helps me appreciate more and more the many blessings God has brought to us and how he truly is the greatest Author and Lover.